quiet storm

Bullying is a major problem in today’s society. Whether it’s verbal or physical bullying, it hurts. Bullying affects every teenager in this day and age in some way. But, while people seem to think bullying only affects people physically, it can also affect their personal and emotional well being. I know first hand the affect bullying can have on some one. I’ve lived it.

My whole life I’ve been a victim of bullying. I’ve suffered from it to the extreme. I’ve been called every name in the book; Whore, Slut, FAT, Ugly, Bitch, Dumb, Wanna be, Jesus Killer, Jew, Emo, Dork, Stupid, Ginger, Carrot Top, and things I’m too embarrassed to say. I’ve been hit, slapped, punched, pushed, and had things thrown at me. I was cyber bullied by an ex boyfriend who also threatened me and my life. I was harassed by neighbors to the point of moving, I was made fun of daily to the point of wanting to commit suicide.

Most people don’t understand that bullying doesn’t just last while it’s happening. It follows you. It haunted me everywhere I go. It clouded my head all day; “You’re so ugly,” “You’re such a bitch,” “Everyone HATES you.” My thoughts turn into the bully when he/she walks away.

It doesn’t stop with me just thinking it either, I began to believe it. In 8th grade the bullying became too much to handle. My self esteem was gone. I couldn’t even look in the mirror without hating my self; So, I began to self harm. I thought I deserved it. Well, I became addicted to the pain. I thought that if I couldn’t control the emotional damage I sure as hell could control the physical. I then became anorexic, I thought losing weight would make me beautiful. If I was beautiful people would love me, the teasing would stop. I started getting sick, Mal-nutrition, so, in came the bulimia. I threw up everything I ate, still do. I prayed to be accepted and to be pretty, but even months later nothing had changed.

In the middle of my freshman year I found my saving grace. NFTY; North American Federation of Temple Youth. There I made everlasting friendships and people actually liked me for me. My new friends stood by me as I tried to recover. It felt good, I knew I had someone, something a lot of people being bullied don’t think they have. They think they are all alone and don’t speak out for themselves. NFTY was where I could seek friendship, comfort. In many ways NFTY saved my life.

The bullying is behind me now and I’ve made REAL friends at school, my neighborhood, and of course my NFTY friends. But looking back at years past still hurts. The names still haunt me everyday and my self esteem is still quite low, but I know one day I will be able to accept myself again. I don’t cut regularly although I still struggle from time to time. I have learned to ignore people but there are still so many others going through what I went through. I want to reach out to them, but I know I will never reach them all.

So, I ask you; If you know someone being bullied, be their friend. Save them like NFTY saved me. Society killed the teenager, but you, you can save him/her. No one deserves to go through what I went through. And if you’re reading this, I love each and every one of you.

(via bringonallthepretendersoneday)